We all have stories we tell ourselves. Whether positive or negative, they affect our life without us even realizing it. Very often I hear – “Oh, there are just not enough good men out there!”, or “Or girls are mean and nagging” or “No one would ever love me, I am just not good enough” and so on. This might come from our history, life perception, or in worst case scenario – from our social circle’s opinions about us. Too often people make premature judgements and bring up their “clever assumptions” not knowing how hurtful or even damaging it can be to the other person. For example, my grandmother used to tell me I would never get married because I was left-handed. It was an old belief in Soviet Union that all people must be equal, i.e. in my case, write with right hand! Not going into detail how ridiculous this was, but I truly believed for a long time that this was an issue on the way to my happy future. I thought I only had to look for a left-handed boy so he wouldn’t think I was odd. But there weren’t many of them around, so it seriously limited my choices of a life partner (at 15 J). Luckily enough, being a smart girl, I didn’t believe that for too long. But one story was quickly replaced by another. I put another stamp on myself called “slightly overweight” (relatively popular among girls I shall say). For a long time I told myself I had no chances in love life because of this. Being happily married for 3 years now, I am glad I screwed all my stories and eventually became a great believer there was more for me in this world than I could see.
Watching this video yesterday reminded me of all my friends, who still nurture their stories and as the result fall deeper and deeper in the acceptance of loneliness and settling with their fate. While, all what’s needed is action. In her talk, Amy Webb proves there is no shame in trying too hard or expecting someone to love you for who you are. There is nothing wrong with finding what suits you. In fun and, in a way, academic approach she shows how she found the one she wanted to share her life with and create a happy healthy relationship. It demonstrates again, the better you are aware of who you are looking for, the more chances you have to create a true connection with this person, and then build a happy future together.
Society sets too many limits and idealistic beliefs in our minds. That if I haven’t met “the one” till the age of 30, I’m probably never going to. Or, if I don’t get married in university, my life would turn in home-work-home hell and then it will be too late (this is also one of my long lasting stories form the past). What a nonsense. There are always ways to make yourself happy; you just need to do something about it. You are the only one responsible for your success as well is failure in love. And the longer your procrastinate, telling another story to yourself, the harder it would be to break the habit of loneliness and disconnection.
So, stop your inner dialogue right now and take the first step!